Sinatra's Update:
Friday, May 9th: Appt with Dr. Karen Gant at Collierville Animal Clinic to find out why Sinatra is having brown discharge from ear. Dr. Gant discovers a tumor. The earth begins spinning wildly. In slow motion, it seems I manage to say, "you....mean...CANCER?" Tears fill my eyes. I want to grab Sinatra & run out of the room & wake up from this horrible nightmare. Instead I must leave him so she can do a biopsy & go do a few pet sits. Pick him up & am told it may take over a week to get results. She trys to reassure me that she is sending it to her old Professor. This comforts me some. I want a correct biopsy. She is also going on vacation for the following week but will let me know as soon as she hears something. She mentions an Ocologist & says she thinks I should see him. It doesn't sit right with me.
During this week, I research everything I can about feline cancer. I start calling friends, emailing everyone I know asking for their referral for an Ocologist. Everyone seems to agree that Dr. Carolyn McCutcheon is the only Vet to see. Am told repeatedly how warm & caring she is. It feels right. I just *know* this is the Vet for Sinatra. I don't want a cold & unfeeling Vet in a fancy office. I want a Vet who loves animals & wants to heal & is sympathetic to my concerns & is open to alternative routes or no route at all. Want to be involved in decision making.
I cry a lot this week. I pray even more. I start treasuring every moment with Sinatra & spending more time with my special boy. My heart is breaking, my nerves are shot & I feel so helpless.
Friday, May 16th: Can't wait for Dr. Gant's call. Call Collierville Animal Clinic & ask for biopsy results. Told he has ceruminous gland adenocarcinoma. My sweet baby has cancer. Call back to get grade, am told it is "well-differentiated". What does that mean I ask. Lab tech doesn''t know.
I feel like I'm drowning. Can't get air. Not able to breath. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Must work. Helps. Sweet babies seem to understand my heartache & are very tender, giving me extra kisses. Helps. Moments of super optimisim--almost manic. Then hit valley of low & crying jags begin again. So tired. Feel that I have researched everything I possibly can. Stop to absorb everything. World won't quit spinning.
Monday, Mon 19th Dr. Gant calls me first thing Monday morning. Tell her I already know & that I want Sinatra to see Dr. McCutcheon. She says that is fine. Call Park Ave Animal Hospital. Set up consult with Doc to see Sinatra. Staff so sweet.
Tues May 27th: Appt at 3pm to meet Dr. McCutcheon. Can't explain energy in waiting room. Lots of love. Positive energy. Watch Vet interact with other patients. Very calm. Immediately like her. Sinatra finally gets to meet his healer. She wants to operate. I talk about other methods I've researched. She listens calmly & restates her belief. I have faith in her. She is the expert. There is something very magical about her. Can't explain. Just know I have found the best Vet to care for Sinatra's cancer. I've decided to put my baby's life in her hands. Suddenly I'm relieved. Know this is the right decision.
Friday, May 30th: Took Sinatra early to the Park Avenue Animal Hospital & then did my breakfast pet sits. Left crying like a baby. HATED leaving him. Returned to wait at the Hospital while Sinatra had surgery. I'm a nervous wreck, a walking talking basket case. Staff incredibly caring & sensitive to my needs during this stressful time. Dr. McCutcheon came out after surgery & informed me she had found another polyp & had to remove the entire left ear canal. Sinatra to stay overnight. Doc to send canal off to lab. Doc allows me to go in & visit with Sinatra. He's completely out. I give him kisses & love yous. Don't want to leave him but must work to pay for his operation. Not able to go back & check on him. Call twice to check on his condition. He's okay. I'm not.
Saturday, May 31st: Sinatra able to come home. In remarkable shape for having such intensive surgery. Given pain & antibiotic meds. Instructed to make sure he eats & to watch for any significant abnormalities. Have set up appt for recheck next Friday. Wants to go outside but of course not allowed at this point. Getting used to not hearing in left ear & getting his equilibrium adjusted. Take nap with Sinatra. Seems to be recovering well.
Returned Dr. Karen Gant's call of Collierville Animal Clinic who discovered Sinatra's tumor & did biopsy. Informed her of Sinatra's condition. She tried to assure me that this type of cancer was usually contained to the ear. Made me feel better.
Sinatra spent most of the day under the bed. Appears to be a bit confused & scared. Hates taking his meds. Eating a bit but not much. Middle of the night he wanted to be held--tight. He purred like a couragious lion. To comfort both of us, I believe. Still scared as he is shedding a lot. Finally settled down & slept I hope peacefully. Very stressful day for both of us. Prayed a LOT.
Sunday, June 1st:; Took his AM meds letting me know it was not his favorite thing. Ate a tad for breakfast. Getting around a bit better. Still wants to be comforted & held then wants to be alone. Ear is bleeding just a tiny bit but was told this was something that might occur. Nothing to be concerned about, I think. Held him & walked outside so he could breathe some fresh air. Seems to be calming down a bit--still shedding more than normal.
Have not been able to keep up with Sinatra's updates. On June 9th, our cat "Baby" died suddenly of a heart attack. He was never sick a day in his life. Our hearts are heavy with sadness over the loss of our beautiful Baby.
Sinatra is recovering from his surgery & Dr. McCutcheon believes she has gotten all the cancer out! We go back in sick months for a recheck.
THANK YOU to everyone who prayed, sent good thoughts, wishes & healing energy. It worked.
Forever And For Always
(My mantra for Sinatra--took a few liberties with the lyrics)
--Shania Twain & Mutt Lange
In your paws I can still feel the way you
want me when you knead me
I can still hear the meows you purred
when you told me
I can stay right here forever in your paws
And there ain't no way -
I'm letting you go now -
And there ain't no way -
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day.....
Chorus:
'Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together for all our days
Wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face - always
Mmmm, baby
In your heart - I can still hear
a beat for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love for me in your heart
And there ain't no way -
I'm letting you go now -
And there ain't no way -
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day...
Repeat Chorus
(I wanna wake up every morning)
In your eyes - (I can still see
the look of the one) I can still see
the look of the one who really loves me
(I can still feel the way, that you want)
The one who wouldn't put anything
else in the world above me
(I can still see love for me) I can
still see love for me in your eyes
(I still see the love)
And there ain't no way -
I'm letting you go now-
And there ain't no way -
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day...
Repeat Chorus 2x
I'm keeping you forever and for always
I'm in your paws
